Category: Let's talk
Have you ever been into a shop, or the park, or walking down the street, and someone has addressed you by calling you love? Or sweetheart? or darling?
Does it bother you?
I tend to find there's a trend of men talking too women like this and I wonder why?
Often I'll use the terms sweetheart or darling for close friends or people I'm close to and like, but wonder why there seems to be this need for often virtual strangers to address each other in this way.
Yeah, it is kind of creepy.
agreed, i don't use terms like that unles it's a friend or loved one. ser or mam works just find and it's respectfull.
I agree. I've had quite a few elderly ladies address me like that while I was walking someplace and it is more than a little unnerving.
I don't think it is done to get under your skin, it is just the way that person addresses you. It is a bit odd but at least they don't grab you or something.
Yes, I've been addressed like this by total strangers. It's definitely annoying, but I usually let it go. To me, it's not worth making a fuss over, as long as, like Margorp said, I'm not grabbed or something. I'll address close friends with terms of endearment like that sometimes, but most definitely not strangers.
Wonder if it's regional? Out here Pacific Northwest you never see it. However, when we moved to Florida, and especially from people with a Southern accent or raised in Florida, they'd use that all the time. Not just men doing it to women, though I realize that's what gets all the attention, but women to men as well. Colloquial? Personally I find it weird, but I also find it weird the way younger kids say 'love you' to each other all the time. I mean I say that to my wife and daughter, but to me at least, saying it to tons of people kinda cheapens it. Not saying for anyone else but yeah there's a lot of cultural disparities.
I actually like it when servers or elderly ladies call me "honey" or "darling", it shows just a little bit extra care and niceness that I appreciate.
May be women perceive it in a more threatening way, may be it depends (and surely it does) on where you are. In North Carolina it is part of the culture, and one that I would miss if I moved somewhere else.
Of course everyone called the British chansellor Darling too .. may be because it was his last name, and I never found him particularly deserving.
Yeah, that's a regional thing. Very common in the south. whether or not I get pissed depends on the delivery. I never find it creepy or threatening but sometimes it comes off sounding belittleing or patronizing and that's when I get pissed. My ex-husband always used to call waitresses and other females he felt were beneath him as "hun". He always claimed he was being polite but that was BS. Whether he was aware of it or not, he had that macho mentality about women being placed on this earth for no other reason than to cook, clean, squirt out babies and serve man. It was obnoxious. It would've helped if I'd noticed that before we got married, but I digress...You can just tell by the tone of voice whether it's strictly delivered in a southern gentleman fashion or is meant to convey the speaker's sense of superiority. I have no problem with the southern gentleman. But anyone who pulls that crap for any other reason can bite me.
personally, i think it's new talk for the new times we are living in. 20 years ago you wouldn't have got all that. it will die out eventually and be replaced with something else.
If asked, I would prefer to be called by my name, but I won't press the issue if someone wants to call me that, unless, as a few have said, it is said in an obviously creepy tone.
Could understand someone being upset if someone were to
call out to them using the phrase, "Hey B*tch!"
That could be unnervie but, "Darling"...??
Of course, nobody but my husband calls me "Baby". That's one thing I absolutely don't like. I don't even know exactly what gets on my nerves about that one, but....no. Personally, I think terms of endearment are overused, in and outside relationships. I like them, of course, but I like to use them sparingly.
It's a new habit of trying to be personable and friendly with strangers. Like Grace said, at least they aren't insulting you.
I don't think the words honey, sugar, darling and so on is appropriate. I mean for 1 I hate all of those that are used and um, I'm from the south and can't stand the want and demand for whatever they call it down here, respect, about being from down here? I feel as long as I'm being respectful it's good. So yeah I hate those words!
I've been called honey or hun by older waitresses in restaurants, but I've noticed that they call everyone by those names. I don't live in the South either. It doesn't bother me. However, I would think it strange of a waitress or store clerk called me darling or sweetheart. In my opinion, those are endearments you save for people you actually love, not customers you are waiting on.
In the South, I think it's a lot more common for both men and women to use the term darlin' to address people, even those they don't know. I wouldn't be offended if I lived there and would not raise a fuss about it.
Okay people, these terms have been around in the south and other places longer then you think and probably will not go away and are not meant to be offensive. When a man or woman calls you these that does not know you it is a term or liking, or them saying you are okay with me, or a sho of warmth, friendliness. If you are not addressed in this fashion then you know the person is not warm twoards you. These terms are used differently in the context of a loved one and are followed up with an intimate touch, kiss or otherwise, but in the general public they are only meant as terms of gentleness,, that person wants you to feel at ease with them, or they like your looks, maybe a gentle flirt. Lighten up. Life is good Smile.
But forereel, you have to remember that people are special and deserve to have every scrape life gives them kissed gently and properly and wrapped up tight in a bandaid.
Mom is always calling people sweety, dear etc. This goes for close friends and even strangers if they're nice to her. I find it odd but it melds well with her personality and she certainly doesn't mean any harm by it and definitely isn't flirting. It's just her way. I've come to accept it, though I still take a breath or two when she does it to a total stranger.
on reflection I think it does depend on the context.
If I'm honest, the thing I most object to is being called love, which is quite common here in the UK. Probably because it can be used in a patronising/put-down manner as well as intended to be nice.
I get the idea that calling someone darlin or love or whatever is supposed to indicate that they like you, that's fine as long as the person knows me well enough to like me. some bloke shouting "alright love?" at me in the street doesn't know me from adam and cannot possibly want to call me love for that reason.
I think people who address strangers with terms such as love, darling, sweetie, etc. just simply don't place any particular value on those words and thus don't mean any offense. I guess they just figure it's better than "hey you."
Nope, I still prefer hey you or if you know me say my name...
It is a bit odd and can make a person feel aucward but...that's people for you.
I'm sure these people mean no harm in their calling you by these terms, which is why it doesn't offend me. I'd just prefer to be called by my name by those who don't know me, if they ask my opinion. To be honest, in any given situation, it's the tone of voice I watch out for.
Here's the real deal, and someone's gonna shoot me for this, happiness being a warm gun and all that:
When it comes to women and how they want to be addressed, or many other things, it's hard to do anything right. So just do and be genuine and when you hear the raindrops of complaining you know the weather is doing the usual outside, at least for out here in this neck of the woods.Obviously there are exceptions, but hey, the sun shines even in Oregon sometimes.
I really don't think words get devalued, because as I say if you want to convey it personal you follow it up with more. If a word can make someone feel at easy why is it bad. You can't know what will or will not hurt someones feelings. I guess you or we need to live stiffly, and the prozac sales will tripple as well. Smile.
I never get called any of the names in the op. I don't like hun or hunny and wouldn't want to be called either.
Anyway if you all find being called the names in the op, just remember it could be worse. In Lincolnshire they call people duck.
Duck? Somehow something that unusual would probably render a laugh more than anything else.
I've seen men called honey by people who don't know them either, and I doubt if they get nearly as bent out of shape about it as women do. Really people, it's not that big a deal.
I can't say it actually upsets me. It's just a bit strange. But on some people, it actually sounds normal. I'll occasionally call someone Sweety, or more rarely, Honey, not in a romantic sense but in a caring friendly one, once I've gotten to know them. But with children, I'm alot more likely to do it, especially if they're upset or having a bad day. Usually, though, Honey and Sweetheart are reserved for those whom I truly love. I'm not usually a tone analyser but have to agree that it does play a role sometimes in these situations. If an older woman or man called me Dear or Love I wouldn't think twice of it. But I might blink if a younger person did it, at least in my area, because it's a bit more unusual here.
I might call a female friend sweety now and then but I sure don't overuse it.
i look out for the tone more than if they're calling me darling or babe or sweetheart. i'm used to hearing it from women here in the south and i think it's sweet as long as i don't find the tone they say it patronizing. as for men darling sweetheart and all that i don't mind again it's the tone. What irritates me is when you walk down the street and guys will be like baby or baby girl what's up and all that..i find it so disrespectful..and then they whistle or do something dumb..fuck off.. i mean you don't know me like that and in my head it's different then them saying honey or darling or sweetheart while they're helping you out or something.
I think much of this is regional in the UK. I've always called women love, when I ask for something in a shop, or am served, its just what I'm used to, and to me seems more polite than not addressing a person as anything at all.
As for devaluing love, that to me is rubbish, I love people in many different ways, and because of things gone in my life, I try to ensure those I care about know I love them, and how I love them. As long as I can be open and honest about that, there should be no need for confusion or insult.
I have family that call people duck, and even chuck, which I don't like as much, but again it's regional.
When I was in Georgia recently, all the weightressess I seemed to meet called me sugar, which amused me more than anything.
Well women are more likely to be offended by terms than are men anyway, but what offends one will please another, so aside from cocktail party amusement you can't get anything out of it. Want my advice, just go with your conscience and what you're used to and leave it at that.
Sounds like good advice.